Wild Wild World

“What a wild wild world we live in,

Where money talks and trouble sells.”

It’s been a long day today. It’s been a long month since I last wrote. 

Katie and I got into another serious argument. We didn’t talk for two weeks. At the PVRIS show she drove me insane with her complaints and I snapped at her. I apologized but I didn’t mean it. 

Once again I caved. It’s not like I’ll ever have to spend an extended amount of time with her again. I won’t. It’s a breath of fresh air. 

I’m so close to 178 days clean. I’m 177 today and even though it was rough today, I never felt the urge to self harm. I’m so proud of where I’ve come from. 

Besides that, I had one of the hardest days since my grandma died and Paris was attacked. 

There was a shooting outside a venue in Orlando last night. Christina Grimmie died. At first we heard she was injured, but then she died. I wasn’t even a fan, but I cried a long time last night. It hurt my heart.  

It hurt because that could have been Fall Out Boy, it could have been Pierce the Veil, my god it could have been Austin. Just thinking about it right now makes me anxious. 

Concerts are my safe place. My wasteland, my only retreat. The place where I can forget about everything and sing at the top of my lungs with people who love those people on stage just as much as me. 

I don’t want one of my favorite life-experiences to be tainted like this. I don’t want to be scared about going to my safe space. We shouldn’t be scared. 

Don’t be scared. Live your life to its fullest. God always has a plan for us. 

“Maybe it’s time to tame the monster inside of that wild, wild world we live in.”

This is a Wasteland, My Only Retreat

It’s been a little while since I’ve written a post. I’ve just been busy trying to get everything together for graduation and pharmacy school. I also really wanted to go to all of my concerts before writing about this.

I’m still riding my concert high from Fall Out Boy last Friday. It was incredible. Two weeks before that I got to see State Champs and Neck Deep and a week before that I got to see Set It Off.

It wasn’t until that Friday night that I truly realized how much I loved going to shows.

Literally nothing compares to the feeling of singing your favorite lyrics with a sold out arena around you. Nothing.

Listening to the crowd sing the first lines of “Sugar, We’re Going Down” back to Patrick was incredible; it always is. However being able to sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs surrounded by people you love and people who love that band as much as you is almost chilling. I got to bring my brother and sister to their first Fall Out Boy show and I’m so proud of that.

Concerts are a place where I can let go of everything for a few hours and just exist in a venue with some of my favorite songs and people.

I’ve made some amazing friends through concerts and bands and I couldn’t thank them enough. It’s connected me to more people than I could have ever imagined and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I’ve fought through some of the worst days of my life with music by my side. I don’t like to say music saved my life, because I know more was involved besides just music, but music definitely helped me stay.

If you love a band, go see them live if you can. There’s nothing like it. I go over and over as much as I can and it never gets old.

It’s just like Pierce the Veil says: This is a wasteland, my only retreat.

 

 

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xoxo

J

New Music Friday

I’m starting this post early because I have so many songs I want to talk about today.

It’s been a little while since I posted a music Friday but with all of the new material coming out I had to talk about it.

These aren’t in any particular order, just how ever I could remember them.

1. Set It Off

Set It Off release Uncontainable last Friday and I fell in love so fast. Obviously since I just saw them a month ago in still high in my Set It Off feels but this song is incredible.

Favorite Lyric: Some day, they’ll say the throne was made for you.


2. The Summer Set

The Summer Set’s new album Stories for Monday comes out next Friday and I’m very excited. I love the singles that have been released so far. They sound incredible and like The Summer Set is evolving.

 

Figure Me Out

Favorite Lyric: “I’m a bit too pop for the punk kids, but I’m too punk for the pop kids”

 

Missin’ You

Favorite Lyric: “You can keep my sweater, don’t think I every want it back./ You let the stitches fray, now it don’t feel the same.”

 

Jean Jacket

Favorite Lyric: “And I was falling in love, while you were fighting the weekend.”

 

3. Fix by Chris Lane

I will always go back to country music. I love the story it tells and I also really like the new direction that the genre is taking right now. I understand the difference between pop and country, but I like the new sound that songs have.

Fix is one of those new sounding songs.

Favorite Lyric: “I’ll be your smooth ride, that late night, that Walter White high.”

 

4. Texas is Forever by Pierce the Veil

So let me start with a little squeal. I love PTV and I am insanely excited that they have announced their new album (Misadventures) and the release date (May 13th). I can’t wait to listen to it and smile about hearing my old time favorites again.

Favorite Lyric: “Misguided by darkness and lost on the road, but I’m such a sucker for the rain.”

 

I hope every one enjoys these songs! Let me know what you think.

 

xoxo

J

Shape Up and Stand Tall

I’m back!

I’m going back to setting my phone alarm to make me write a post every Wednesday because I’ve been so busy that it keeps slipping my mind. Being busy was really good and productive though, because….

*drum roll please*

I got into all three pharmacy schools where I interviewed! I’m super excited. I’ve narrowed it down to two schools and I’m waiting to hear about scholarships, etc. before I make my decision. It’s just so freeing to know that I’ve been accepted and don’t have to worry about it.

Other than that, I’ve been working on my new years resolutions but I know I’ve been a little overwhelmed with everything. It’s getting better though. I’ve  definitely had more patience and real conversations with Sarah and Katie. Sometimes they still drive me insane, but it’s getting better.

I also have so many exciting things that are happening this semester before I graduate. I get to see Set It Off next Saturday and then State Champs/Neck Deep the Thursday after that. Then I’ve got spring break and the week after that I see Fall Out Boy. I’m so excited about everything.

As part of my resolutions, I made a rainy day box, for days that I felt triggered.

I’ve had to use it twice and it works. I’m 65 days cut free. I’m so proud of myself, because this week was so rough. I dreamed that I relapsed and it was so real that I cried for a little while when I woke up. It was one of the worst and realistic nightmares I’ve ever had and I’m so glad it was just a dream.

I want to stay clean in 2016. I’m determined to stay clean. I believe in myself. There are so many awesome things for me to look forward to.

I’m making new online/twitter friends as well and it’s amazing. Stephanie, Meredith, Sara, Abbi, Sare, Steph, and Kay have been amazing.

Kisses to all of you

 

xoxo

J

 

Songs That Inspire- Music Fridays

So I’ve been chatting back and forth with one of my mutual friends on Twitter recently and she’s getting a tattoo of one of my favorite OM&M lyrics. It just got me thinking about songs that I find inspirational. So here’s a short-ish list of songs that make me feel better.

Gold Steps by Neck Deep

I heard this song just a couple of months ago when Life’s Not Out to Get You was released. I was streaming the album and this song stuck out to me a lot. The lyrics are honest and true, but I love that they keep the tune upbeat as well.

Favorite Lyric: Some times things will bend you, but trust me you’ll be fine. ‘Cause I’ve been moving mountains, that I once had to climb.

 

Hell and Back by Tonight Alive

I used this song as my end of 2014-looking back song. It’s a song about realizing that things suck and working through them. It’s a song about healing.

Favorite Lyric: But I never let myself down, so bad, so bad. But I never thought I’d have the things I have, I have, that I have.

 

Feels Like Forever by Of Mice and Men

When I first started listening to Of Mice and Men, “Restoring Force” was the album I latched onto. I love the songs and I liked ‘Feels Like Forever’ a lot. When OM&M released the Full Circle edition with the acoustic version of ‘Feels Like Forever’, I fell in love. I’ve sang these lyrics out in the car with a small on my face, and I’ve whispered these lyrics to myself in the dark while I cried until I couldn’t breathe. Good and bad times, this song has been with me and seeing it live was thrilling, bone-chilling, and just emotional.

Favorite Lyric: Don’t let go. Time will heal. Just don’t let go. Someday we can learn to start again.

 

Tomorrow by Set It Off

I already talked about Set It Off last week. They are an amazing band and their music moves me like no other. Tomorrow is a song about the future. It’s about living in the now and realizing everything just gets better.

Favorite Lyric: They’re gonna try to clip your wings. Lock you up and make you sing. But they’ll never cage your dreams so fly away.

 

24 Floors by The Maine

I started listening to The Maine earlier this year when they released American Candy. This album is one of the few that I like every single song on it. It’s incredible. This song is somber and slow, but its message is so important. It talks of remembering that even when it feels like nothing is worth it, you are worth it. Someone will miss you and someone loves you.

Favorite Lyric: You don’t wanna die tonight. Take one more breath to clear your mind. Every moment’s relevant, bittersweet and delicate. Tomorrow may not come again.

 

 

Living Louder by The Cab

I found The Cab while investigating some of the other songs/ albums that Patrick Stump had featured in or sung in. Their second album, Symphony Solider, is another one of those rare albums where I love every song. Living Louder is a song about inspiration. It’s a song about living life to it’s fullest and having no regrets. Live like this is it.

Favorite Lyric: We’re all just kids that grew up way too fast. Yeah, the good die young, but the great will always last. We’re growing older, but we’re all soldiers tonight.

 

I hope you enjoy these songs and they make you feel better too. I’ll probably do a part two later on.

Have an amazing weekend everyone!

xoxo

J

 

Set It Off- The New Music Fridays

Hi everyone!

So I had a new music Tuesday thing going on, but recently they changed it to Fridays. I also combined my music selection with my new music posts. So all of my music posts will be together.

Today I want to talk about Set It Off.

Basically, I listened to a few songs from Set It Off in late 2013- early 2014 as I was getting back into pop punk, alternative music. I liked “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”, but I never really looked into Set It Off.

Back in November of 2014, I started listening to Set It Off, because I thought I would have been able to go to the Black Mass Tour. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go to any of those dates near me.

I really started to like Set It Off. Then I heard that they were doing to Glamour Kills Spring Break Tour 2015 with my babies As It Is (from England), and I had to go.

I got to see them in March and met all of them and As It Is and Against the Current. It was incredible. After meeting them and seeing them live, I completely fell in love with them.

Set It Off has music that makes me feel. Cody sings emotions that make me feel. I love their music. Their new video for Wild Wild World is my favorite so far.

My favorite songs of theirs are definitely Wild Wild World, Missing You, and Tomorrow. My favorite album is Duality.

Hopefully you’ll check their music out and enjoy it!

Wild Wild World

 

Missing You

 

Tomorrow (feat. Jason Lancaster)

 

And a documentary they did about us, their fans, their Dreamcatchers

 

 

xoxo

J

PS. shout out to rockersoph27, I love the music of the month and I’m trying to do better with my music posts every week.

Tomorrow

I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long, but I’ve just had a lot of craziness and been busy for the past three months, but that just means I have a lot to catch you all up on, right?

So I left off in April. I was stressed over school as usual. I was cutting again. I got to see Of Mice and Men and Paramore for my 21st birthday. It was amazing.

Even though I didn’t get to meet Austin and the guys from OM&M or Paramore the shows were amazing.

My grades went well. 1 C, 2Bs, and the rest As. I felt good.

Then we went to Myrtle Beach, and I hit rock bottom. I wanted a cute shirt, and I couldn’t find one. They were all too small and I had a complete meltdown at one point. It was awful.

I found one of my mom’s replacement razor blades and started cutting with it. It was so bad. It was the worst I’ve ever been and I loved it. The razor blade was quick and effective. It gave me the blood I wanted. It gave me the cuts I wanted. I didn’t touch my wrists. I started on my thighs and now they’re full of fading crossing scars.

But now, I’m 15 days clean and determined to stay that way. I’m not really sure what jump started it.

Actually that’s a complete lie. Austin was in the hospital and I was terrified, okay? I was so scared that he was going to die on me before I got to meet him, or hug him, or tell him just how much he and Of Mice and Men mean to me.

I decided then, that I was getting clean. It was a struggle for a little while, but now I’m here. I’m clean, 15 days. I want to meet Austin more than anything.

I’m studying for the PCAT and getting ready to apply to pharmacy school for the 2016-2017 school year. I’m excited. I’m considering four schools in my area and hopefully I’ll get in somewhere.

I think that’s it for right now.

I’m going to try to get better about updating this, I promise.

Love,

J

PS- I’m dropping this song at the end. Listen to it. The acoustic version makes such a difference, just like Feels Like Forever. I can not wait to see them again.

 

“There’s always another day, another night. A bittersweet blessing in disguise. Tomorrow, we’re the authors of our lives, tomorrow.”