Feels Like Forever

It’s been a wild month. I had spring break, then a couple weeks of school, then Easter weekend. I started volunteering at my church too. It’s nice. I’m part of the greeting crew so I get to talk to people basically.

School has been a little crazy. I got into my summer program for this summer which is awesome, but I can’t go to Warped for sure now. It’s heartbreaking since PTV just announced that they would play the entire summer. I’m missing them again.

I have hope though. I will see them soon.

I’m seeing Of Mice and Men in like 22 days and I can’t wait. It’s so exciting because I’ve been following them for so long. I’m trying to hopefully win VIP tickets (prays hard). So wish me best please. Austin followed me on twitter too, which was awesome!

On sad notes, I cut again.

I was 46 days clean this time.

I hadn’t cut since before my February post and I was doing good. I left my blades at home. Yesterday, I went to the store and didn’t buy any blades, pencil sharpeners, etc. I did good. And then last night it literally felt like forever was crashing down on me. Never has a song more thoroughly described my life.

So it happened and I was sad and today sucked a lot. I came back to my room at like five and crashed until almost ten.

Now I’m watching band interviews, because they make me smile.

Just send me happy thoughts please.

xoxoxo

J

 

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Dreamcatcher

The Set It Off show was amazing. The weather in Nashville was absolutely awful, so only 150 people or so showed up.  By the end of the set, there were only 30 people left. We got to meet everyone. And let me tell you, Cody is one of the nicest band members I’ve ever met. He put me totally at ease, because he knew I was super nervous. He was the sweetest, and also gives the best hugs.

She was there too that night, but I didn’t care. There was something cathartic about singing the Set It Off songs that reminded me of her at the top of my lungs while she was feet away. There was something about Cody mirroring my emotions back to me that just let it go. Thank you all for that.

We’ve been out of school a lot of days the past three weeks for weather and snow, so I know when I get back, it’s going to be absolutely crazy. I’m going to see OM&M in April and I can’t wait. but I’m going to work my ass off until then.

Love,

J

 

Freak Show

So we are officially a little over a month into the first semester. We had a snow week last week, just like the awful ice storm of last year, and once again, it triggered my cutting.

I mean this year was much better. I wasn’t alone, I hadn’t lost an entire friend group in a few days. I wasn’t depressed. I also couldn’t stop. They don’t lie when they say this is an addiction. I was 85 days clean and I just threw all of that away. Worse is no one has noticed, again. I mean I don’t want them to, but I still feel like they should have. I don’t know. It’s complicated.

Set It Off and As It Is are coming to Nashville next week, so Katie and I are going to see them. I’m so so excited. I’m keeping my hopes up for The Cab to pass through here again. I want to see them more than anything.

Of Mice and Men also announced another tour after the Hunting Party Tour was cut unexpectedly (Linkin Park’s lead singer broke his ankle and had to have surgery). Me and Sarah are going to see them in April. Our tickets are already bought. I’m so freaking excited.

On top of all of that, Paramore is coming to Memphis on my birthday, so I get to go see them. I’m totally making up for all of the concerts I’ll miss next semester. It’s going to be the hardest semester of my college career and I’m just not ready.

I do think that Set It Off is touring again in the fall. That’ll be the only one.

On a totally change of pace, I can’t seem to let the past go. I want to hit her every time I see her. I still care and she doesn’t. I don’t know how to let go. I’m trying. I promise I am trying.

But I can’t.

Love,

J

I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead

Hey everyone!

I’m back at school. My trip out of the country was absolutely amazing. I got to work with Habitat for Humanity and we built the foundation of a house. It was hard work and we were in the tropics, but I loved it. We also got to meet the family that we were building for and hear their story. Honestly, I’m blessed that I had a chance to do something like this. It makes me want to help more.

School started back this week and I am so not ready for it. I’m counting down to Friday already because I want to have a breather. I think once I figure everything out and get my routine down, I’ll be fine. I’m taking 19 hours this semester, which is a lot, but 3 of them are online. I’m excited about both of my chemistry classes, but I know I have to manage my time much better this semester. I started by scheduling everything.

The time between class is now used for lunch, but also homework. I can write a pre-lab in that time, or finish physics homework. I’m just really excited for this semester. I already know I need to sleep more and I’m going to work on that too.

Music-wise, I just started listening to Set It Off and my little UK babies, As It Is are going on tour with them. Hopefully I can see them in March. Fall Out Boy’s new album deserves a post by itself and I’ll write it sometime this weekend.

As you can tell, it’s about to get hectic.

 

xoxo

J

 

20 Dollar Nosebleed

Good morning everyone!
It’s so early the sun hasn’t rise and trust me I don’t want to be awake. However I must. I’m going out of the country today and I’m so so so excited.
I won’t be back for a little over a week so my blog will be a little inactive, but after that I start class. I’ll definitely be updating more and talking about what I’m doing differently.
But for right now, I’m off to the airport. Wish me luck and I’ll be back with pictures etc. later.
xoxo
J