Living Louder: A Look Back on 2015

I named this post after one of my favorite The Cab songs. It’s the end of another year and it almost feels surreal. 

I was so excited for 2015 back in 2014. I was ready for new chapters of my life. 

“I’m excited about my spring semester and then starting my senior year. I’m ready to start getting ready for pharmacy school. I’m ready to let go of the bullshit and hang tight to the things that really matter. Music that makes my soul sing. A church that makes my heart whole. Friends that make me smile. A focus on studies that could rival a fighter pilot. Concerts, laughs, and new hope.”

I got some of these things though. I did. My spring semester was great. I relapsed but then stayed clean most of the summer. I got better at letting go of the bullshit. I fell even more in love with music. I started volunteering at my church. Friends? That’s up for debate. Studies, I found ways that worked for me.

Spring was amazing. Going to see Set It Off, then Of Mice and Men and Paramore for my birthday was probably one of the best things ever. I spent the summer learning for pharmacy school and nailed it on my PCAT. 

Then I started having issues with my friends. I lost my grandmother. It shook my family to the core. I failed physical chemistry. 

There were ups and downs, but overall, this year went well.

I laughed, I cried, I lived, I learned. 

I met new friends and reconnected with old. 

It was a good year and I’m excited to start the next. 

2016 here I come. 
xoxo

J

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Easy Enough

So once again, everything has been insane and I’m sorry about the wait! I’ll have this post and then my end of the year post before the new year. I’m proud of myself, because I’ve blogged more this semester than last I feel.

Everything has been okay. My dad has had some bad days, and he really isn’t feeling Christmas right now. We bought a tree, but there aren’t even ornaments on it yet. None of us have really been in the true Christmas spirit with my grandmother gone.

Little things remind me of her. Last week I found her magnets and trinkets from when I went out of the country sitting on our fireplace. I hadn’t had a chance to give them to her. I had to hide in my room and cry so my dad didn’t see me.

This semester ended a little rough. I failed Physical Chemistry by 2.5 points so I’m not happy about that. The good thing is it didn’t tank my GPA. I’m re-taking it in the spring. I wish I wasn’t, but I have to have it to graduate. I talked to Sarah and Katie a little about it, but they just don’t understand and it really worked my nerve. I haven’t talked with them since then. Last Monday, and honestly, it feels good.

How are these girls even my friends? I honestly don’t know if I’m going to stay in contact with them after school. 

We’ll see how spring semester goes I guess. 

Starbucks Thanksgiving Blend

So if you’ve read my URL, you might know that I love coffee.

I’ve been drinking coffee since my dad taught me how to make it at thirteen. I love having Starbucks while studying or brewing myself a cup in the morning.

The problem I’ve run into a lot is that the K-cup (I have a Keurig mini at school) tastes weak to me. I know part of that is because my dad brews strong coffee at home and that’s all I drink, but also their blonde roast is really really light. I also know that k-cup coffee has always tasted a little weaker to me compared to brewed coffee from a real coffee pot.

The Thanksgiving Blend from this year is amazing. If you like strong coffee, even as a k-cup, this blend is for you. I love it and I’m probably going to make myself some more now!

xoxo

J

Just an Explanation

Sorry it’s been a long time. Everything is insane right now. I’m not really sure how to handle anything.

My grandma died last Monday. I hadn’t seen her since the summer, but she had been sick.

Since my grandpa died when I was 5, it was just my grandma for 17 years. I’m glad she’s with him again, but dealing with them both being gone is hard. I have to remind myself that there’s nothing left for me in Georgia anymore. I feel worse for my dad, because I know it’s rough for him. It has to be.

I’m really concerned about how I’m going to handle this emotionally. I’m worried I’m not going to be able to handle it. I literally don’t know how to grieve? Like three years ago one of the girls at my church committed suicide. She was 12. I was calm the entire time that I was home, but then I got back to school and I crashed. I was a  mess and there is no other way to describe it. I had just lost my friend group.

It was awful.

Now it’s finals week and I am insanely busy. They end on Friday so I’ll be back full force, but until then, good luck to everyone who has finals.

xoxo

J

Isaiah 41:10- So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.