Tomorrow

I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long, but I’ve just had a lot of craziness and been busy for the past three months, but that just means I have a lot to catch you all up on, right?

So I left off in April. I was stressed over school as usual. I was cutting again. I got to see Of Mice and Men and Paramore for my 21st birthday. It was amazing.

Even though I didn’t get to meet Austin and the guys from OM&M or Paramore the shows were amazing.

My grades went well. 1 C, 2Bs, and the rest As. I felt good.

Then we went to Myrtle Beach, and I hit rock bottom. I wanted a cute shirt, and I couldn’t find one. They were all too small and I had a complete meltdown at one point. It was awful.

I found one of my mom’s replacement razor blades and started cutting with it. It was so bad. It was the worst I’ve ever been and I loved it. The razor blade was quick and effective. It gave me the blood I wanted. It gave me the cuts I wanted. I didn’t touch my wrists. I started on my thighs and now they’re full of fading crossing scars.

But now, I’m 15 days clean and determined to stay that way. I’m not really sure what jump started it.

Actually that’s a complete lie. Austin was in the hospital and I was terrified, okay? I was so scared that he was going to die on me before I got to meet him, or hug him, or tell him just how much he and Of Mice and Men mean to me.

I decided then, that I was getting clean. It was a struggle for a little while, but now I’m here. I’m clean, 15 days. I want to meet Austin more than anything.

I’m studying for the PCAT and getting ready to apply to pharmacy school for the 2016-2017 school year. I’m excited. I’m considering four schools in my area and hopefully I’ll get in somewhere.

I think that’s it for right now.

I’m going to try to get better about updating this, I promise.

Love,

J

PS- I’m dropping this song at the end. Listen to it. The acoustic version makes such a difference, just like Feels Like Forever. I can not wait to see them again.

 

“There’s always another day, another night. A bittersweet blessing in disguise. Tomorrow, we’re the authors of our lives, tomorrow.”

 

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