This weekend went well. My friends and I went to Nashville and had pancakes and went to McKay’s. I bought way too many books again, which isn’t surprising. I was little sad that there wasn’t much I wanted in the music section, but that’s okay.
I was a little more irritable this weekend, but I think it’s just my mood fluctuating. Katie did work my nerves a little and I can hear my mom telling me it wasn’t the best idea to live with her this year. She’s just intense and sometimes that comes over as bitchy. I know I wasn’t the nicest either.
It’s strange, because sometimes I am ecstatic, and then two minutes later, I’m looking at the scars on my wrist and contemplating self-harm again. I have no idea what it is.
The really good thing is that I’m 156 days cut free today. The larger the number gets, the more I tell myself I don’t want to throw that away. What scares me is that sometimes, I’m not even hurting emotionally like I was hurting before. I just want to self harm. The idea of doing it, calms me down. That’s what worries me more than anything else. I’m getting better. Church and music have done a long way to help me there.
I’ve been listening to Restoring Force by Of Mice and Men almost exclusively this week. Something about this album has really moved me and I don’t really know why. It’s just made my week a little bit better.