New Music Tuesdays

Since Tuesdays are the days that new songs and new albums come out, I kind of want to do a new music Tuesday post every week.

It won’t be necessarily all date-wise new music (although some of it will be) but new-to-me music. So I’ll probably do a mix like a song and an album one week and then a song and an artist or something like that.

This week is the album Restoring Force by Of Mice & Men. It came out in Jan. of this year. I’d been listening to Second and Sebring for a while before I even gave this album a chance. Originally I thought that Of Mice and Men was just a little too metal for me, but I listened to Bones Exposed and went and bought the album the next day.

Something about the way that they write grabs me, and honestly, Austin is one of the funniest and nicest band members that I know of. When I tell my friends that I love him, I am being totally serious. I followed the actual band members on tumblr, twitter, etc. for around three months. I really wanted to meet them long before their music really started to move me. They just seemed like really amazing people.

Now I’m glad I did. My favorite song from the album is a tie between Bones Exposed and Feels Like Forever. I can’t get them out of my head. Honestly, I didn’t listen to that much heavy stuff before discovering Sempiternal, but it’s just been this journey into music I never thought that I would experience. The lyrics from this album are real, and lyrics are always what keep me following and listening.

Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to see them live sometime soon!






Bones Exposed

This weekend went well. My friends and I went to Nashville and had pancakes and went to McKay’s. I bought way too many books again, which isn’t surprising. I was little sad that there wasn’t much I wanted in the music section, but that’s okay.

I was a little more irritable this weekend, but I think it’s just my mood fluctuating. Katie did work my nerves a little and I can hear my mom telling me it wasn’t the best idea to live with her this year. She’s just intense and sometimes that comes over as bitchy. I know I wasn’t the nicest either.

It’s strange, because sometimes I am ecstatic, and then two minutes later, I’m looking at the scars on my wrist and contemplating self-harm again. I have no idea what it is.

The really good thing is that I’m 156 days cut free today. The larger the number gets, the more I tell myself I don’t want to throw that away. What scares me is that sometimes, I’m not even hurting emotionally like I was hurting before. I just want to self harm. The idea of doing it, calms me down. That’s what worries me more than anything else. I’m getting better. Church and music have done a long way to help me there.

I’ve been listening to Restoring Force by Of Mice and Men almost exclusively this week. Something about this album has really moved me and I don’t really know why. It’s just made my week a little bit better.



Give Me Faith

It’s really odd when you realize that you and your friends may never see eye to eye on some of the most important things in your life.

I’m Christian. I’ve been saying it for years, but I still am not sure if I really meant it all that time. Especially my past few years.

I got clean when I started this blog, and I relapsed last week. I knew it could happen, but I’ve cleaned up again. It’s starting to show me why they call things addictions. You have to almost relearn everything all over again and it sucks.

I haven’t mentioned it to Katie (even though I live with her), because I know she will think it’s ridiculous. She says that she’s Christian, but the way that she acts would dispute that. She would argue me until we were both hoarse about Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

We talked about it today, how the word submission has gotten such a bad connotation. It’s not meant to be demeaning. God doesn’t mean it like the world has portrayed it. I realize that, but Katie is so deep on the feminism train that she shut me down (pretty viciously) when I tried to talk to her about it.

And don’t get me wrong. I’m all about equality. The wage gap is a very real thing. The violence against women is a very real thing, but the Bible is also a very very real thing, and you can’t just pick and chose what you want. She can’t just share all her favorite verses on love and mercy and disregard the rest. It’s not how it works.

I’m not saying I’m better than her. I’m just stating that I’ve started to understand this idea. The Bible is all or nothing. Jesus is all or nothing. You have to be all in.

We also talked about marriage today and I thoroughly enjoyed it.Even though I am single, and have been almost my entire life, hearing all of this about marriage makes me hopeful for the amazing, Godly man that God has chosen for me. My pastor also talked about those living together, and having any sexual contact before marriage. He said one word: Don’t.

Don’t live together before you’re married, Don’t have premarital sex. Don’t. And Sarah is doing both of those. I don’t say anything to her about it anymore, because when I did, she told me that they planned on getting married. But that’s not married.

I don’t know. Obviously no one is perfect. I’m not perfect. But I just want better for them.

I don’t know. I’m just going to pray about it. It’s all that I can do.





Sometimes you have things that are just truly God. Today was one of those things.

This week was crazy for me. I had a physics test on Monday, a lab report and lab practical on Thursday, and two tests today, a Micro test and an O-Chem test. My physics test didn’t go as well as I would like (but the class average was a 45), and I did better than the average. Even though my partner slacked off with the lab report, I did well on that and my practical.

Today was going to be the monster. I had two tests, hadn’t packed at all to go home and I was panicking. Then last night I was hit with this calm. Usually I frantically study.

This morning I got up and took my Micro test, and when my O-Chem teacher came into class, he didn’t have any tests. He hadn’t written them.

Our fall break starts today. I won’t have that test until next Wednesday. If that isn’t the definition of a college blessing I don’t know what is.

Bulletproof Love

I really like this song, but it really doesn’t have that much to do with my content for today. Well, I guess it ties in a little bit. You’ll see.

We have had ‘evangelists’ on campus for as long as I can remember. I put evangelists in quotes because they are glorified hate preachers. One man I remember yelled at women as they walked by their outfits and how they were going to hell because of it. I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable about that in general because you are an old grown man.

The real problem I have is that they use Christianity as an excuse to tell everyone how terrible they are. God loves us. He loves us. He loves us no matter our shortcomings. We could be drug addicts, prostitutes, college students, gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered, he will love us all the same. We are His.

So these people that come on campus, how do they think that they are any better? If anything, they’re worse, because they are permenantly turning some people away from God and church.

These are the people I absolutely hate to be associated with when I say that I am Christian.

These are the people that have dragged our name through the mud for the past several years.

As someone with gay, bisexual, and transgendered friends, and someone who has never classified herself as closed minded, I can’t stand by for that.

It’s a struggle, but I hope to be a light for everyone else. I’m struggling, but so is everyone else.

Mark 12:31 The second is like this, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” There is no other commandment greater than these.



*this tie in with this song title is that God’s love for us is bulletproof*


J’s Music Selection: Pierce the Veil

Pierce the Veil


I started listening to Pierce the Veil a little while after I returned to the pop punk/alternative music genre. I kept seeing their lyrics on tumblr and pinterest and Caraphernelia and Hold On Till May kept showing up on my timeline. I really started to fall in love with Hold On Till May, and I’ve even considered getting it tattooed on me.

After I started listening to them, I fell in love with them. They fall second in the amount of merch I have for individual bands. I have four or five shirts, two of their three albums (Collide with the Sky in two formats) and their documentary. My roommate Katie and I are trying to go see them in February of 2015.

Favorite Songs

Hold on Till May

Bulletproof Love

A Match in the Water


My favorite album is Collide with the Sky. It’s another one of those albums that I love straight through. There are no songs that I don’t like.

They are touring around the world with Sleeping with Sirens and I’m so excited and hopeful that I will see them live soon!




I feel like I keep learning new things about myself every day. That’s good, of course. I’m twenty and technically at the age that this kind of thing is supposed to be happening.

I learned that I have the capacity to feel more than I ever thought before, both in good and bad feelings (but that’s another story for another post).

I learned that finding close friends will considerably brighten your outlook on life.

I learned pretty recently though, that listening to worship music while I do my homework calms me and helps me to stay focused. I really like that and its another way for me to really grow closer to God and my faith.

I have a lot of work to do this week, so this may be my last post until the weekend when I go home.

Until then, be well and enjoy this beautiful worship song.